Just A Normal Monday Morning, Right?

Dropping M off at school today was a little emotional.  I know, rationally, that she is safe, that nothing is going to happen.  She's going to have an awesome day getting ready for her mini-field trip to the nursing home tomorrow to sing Christmas carols for the elderly.  Which, quite frankly, I think is hilarious.  I wish I could be a fly on the wall in a room full of elderly people watching 4 & 5-year-olds' rendition of Jingle Bells.  As Barney Stinson would say, it's going to be legen - wait for it - dary.

Enough about that...

We've kept M & E completely in the dark about Sandy Hook Elementary.  Part of it is that I don't think they need to know.  Part of it is how do you even explain that?  I don't want her to be afraid to go to school or out in public.  I want to keep her faith in humanity for as long as possibly.  And there's a lot of good to show her in people's reactions to what happened, but it's just awful.

When parking the car,  I looked at the abandoned hospital near the parking lot, thinking about how easy it would be for someone to hide in there and pick kids & families off one by one with a sniper rifle.  Walking down the path to her class, I looked at her room (which is the same room Michael had kindergarten in) in a different light.  The first room near the exit, which always seemed so convenient for drop off and pick up, so easy to exit if there was a fire or other emergency, now seemed more like a liability if someone tried to enter, even though it's locked and there are 2 teachers there opening the door for the pre-k kids when they knock in the morning.

It was so hard to lock eyes with her teachers today.  Everyone on the staff at Turnpike Elementary that I've met has been wonderful.  I know that they would do the same for their kids that the teachers in Newton would have.  That is simultaneously so comforting and so sad.  I can't imagine how hard it must be for them today.  I only hope they know how much they are valued and appreciated.

So I gave M an extra big hug today and sent her into class to color and play and have an awesome day. And she will.  And that makes feel better.  And guilty because there are 20 sets of parents who can't do that on this Monday morning.