OH. MY. GOD.

If spring doesn't come soon, I'm going to lose my God damn mind.  I mean it.

Four And Two

To start, let me say that I have Forty Six and Two stuck in my head.  It's been there for days.  And it had me thinking about M & E being 4 and 2.  Where in the world have these years gone?

And it's not the big things - it's the little things that add up.

Taco night has always been very popular at our house.  The kids have always had their deconstructed.  However, the last couple weeks, Molly has decided to eat everything together.  Meat, cheese, guacamole - all in the crunchy shell.  For my super picky peanut, this is a really big deal.

Emmett has started playing - like really playing.  He's really into super heroes and Star Wars.  And they have stories and adventures.  It's crazy watching his imagination develop.

Where did my tiny babies go?

Just A Normal Monday Morning, Right?

Dropping M off at school today was a little emotional.  I know, rationally, that she is safe, that nothing is going to happen.  She's going to have an awesome day getting ready for her mini-field trip to the nursing home tomorrow to sing Christmas carols for the elderly.  Which, quite frankly, I think is hilarious.  I wish I could be a fly on the wall in a room full of elderly people watching 4 & 5-year-olds' rendition of Jingle Bells.  As Barney Stinson would say, it's going to be legen - wait for it - dary.

Enough about that...

We've kept M & E completely in the dark about Sandy Hook Elementary.  Part of it is that I don't think they need to know.  Part of it is how do you even explain that?  I don't want her to be afraid to go to school or out in public.  I want to keep her faith in humanity for as long as possibly.  And there's a lot of good to show her in people's reactions to what happened, but it's just awful.

When parking the car,  I looked at the abandoned hospital near the parking lot, thinking about how easy it would be for someone to hide in there and pick kids & families off one by one with a sniper rifle.  Walking down the path to her class, I looked at her room (which is the same room Michael had kindergarten in) in a different light.  The first room near the exit, which always seemed so convenient for drop off and pick up, so easy to exit if there was a fire or other emergency, now seemed more like a liability if someone tried to enter, even though it's locked and there are 2 teachers there opening the door for the pre-k kids when they knock in the morning.

It was so hard to lock eyes with her teachers today.  Everyone on the staff at Turnpike Elementary that I've met has been wonderful.  I know that they would do the same for their kids that the teachers in Newton would have.  That is simultaneously so comforting and so sad.  I can't imagine how hard it must be for them today.  I only hope they know how much they are valued and appreciated.

So I gave M an extra big hug today and sent her into class to color and play and have an awesome day. And she will.  And that makes feel better.  And guilty because there are 20 sets of parents who can't do that on this Monday morning.

This Is Not My Hat

I'm going to keep these reviews short because I know we all have more important things to do but want to get good books for our kids.  So I'll try to let you know about books we've loved (or loathed) so you check them out or avoid them like the plague.  I'll rate them with trees (if I can ever find a picture that I like) on a scale of 0-5 trees with 5 trees being the best.

Last week we read This Is Not My Hat by Jon Klassen.  We'd read I Want My Hat Back by the same author a few months ago & really enjoyed it.

For the kids: It's funny.  The pictures are great.  There aren't too many words so the wee ones aren't bored.  They get to decide the end, which is fun to see what the kids come up with.  (Molly likes to kill the fish off when I read it.)

For Parents:  It's funny.  There aren't too many words so you don't get bored reading - what's more important than that?  It shows kids that you shouldn't take things that belong to you.  And that fish look really good in bowler hats.

  

Rating:   3.5 Trees

Kids' Book Reviews

Thinking I might turn this into a kid's book review.  Parents - thoughts?

So Disappointed In Myself

Not Really Sure What To Call This One

I've been reading so many posts about the election today.  And it makes me hopeful and sick at the same time.  I just wanted to put a personal spin on a few things.

I think about my marriage to Michael and to think that I wouldn't be allowed the same right if I had found a woman to love instead of him is just crazy to me.  Love is love, it's as simple as that.

My parents got divorced when I was really young.  My Mom relied a lot on our family but we were also on welfare and food stamps.  I remember the social worker coming to check on the house.  I remember being so embarrassed about having the red reduced lunch tickets when all my friends had the regular green tickets.  I remember the 10 cent lollipops that we would get as a treat when we would go to cash the welfare checks.  And I remember that things got better but we never would've gotten by without that aid.

When Michael & I first got together, I got pregnant.  And when I was about 4 months along, I had a D&C.  My other option would have been continue carrying what would have been a stillborn baby until my body fully rejected it and then having to go through the entire labor process.  Having gone through the process with Molly and Emmett, I can't even imagine what it would've been like to do that and then just have nothing at the end.  The thought that there are people who are okay with that and want to get rid of any and all forms of abortion makes me heartsick. Especially when it's someone who will never have to personally have that happen to their body.

And every woman has had that moment in her life where she's been alone with a guy who has gotten a little too close, leaned in a little far, walked a little too fast so they're catching up to you in a dark street or parking lot...  And you wonder what you're going to do if he tries something, if you're strong enough to fight back, if you could get away.  

So if you're going to say that the social issues don't matter in an election... yeah, they do.

Well Intentioned Neighbors

Generally, I enjoy my neighbors.  We don't really see that much of each other, my children are amused by their hijinks and they're really helpful in a snow storm.  So things are pretty good - until we have something scheduled and we're not home.

Now that we don't have Jack the dog to ruin everything, we thought it might be time to do a little work on the yard.  So we enlisted Lawn Dawg to treat our lawn, kill the large amount of weeds, and generally make us not feel like we're completely inadequate at taking care of green things.  See our yard  vs. our neighbor's yard - no clover!

We weren't home when they came last time, but our neighbor was.  It was the first time the tech had been to our house and he wasn't entirely sure what was to be done.  Our neighbor tried to tell him that because we had so many children's toys in the back yard, that we were only having the front treated.  This is our tiny spit of a front yard (it was much prettier when the irises were in bloom):

Not really worth paying someone to take care of, is it?  Luckily, Nana was here and our whole yard was treated.

Why do people think they can just offer opinions all the time?  I see things all the time that I want to comment on, but I don't.  I just make passive-aggressive posts on FB about them so I can smugly see that all my friends agree with me.  :-)

Anyway... here are some random other shots of our yard:
A really interesting moth that was hanging out next to the hosta (which I HATE, by the way - so if you'd like a giant hosta, please come dig mine out of the ground):

And the rose bush that, until we cut down half of the tree growing next to it 2 years ago, pretty much looked like it was going to die:

That's all for today.  2 posts in a month - that's pretty good based on my track record recently...

Tired, Tired, More Tired

So I had nothing at all to say in May?  Nice.  And I started this with such promise & hope.

I think it has more to do with the fact that I can't remember anything unless I write it down.  So all the witty, wonderful things my lovely family does fall right out of my head.  I may have to WebMD the symptoms for early-onset Alzheimer's (which I will conveniently forget to do before I've finished this post).

Wonderful things that happened today?  After dinner, Emmett figured out how to take off his shirt all on his own.  Which was much funnier when he started doing his "Muscles!" pose in brown corduroy pants.  And funnier still when Molly decided that she should do it as well.  And my almost 2-year-old and his 3 & 1/2 year old sister stood in the kitchen doing muscle poses for several minutes...

And now I can only hope that Emmett has decided to actually fall asleep after being tucked in 6 times while screaming at the top of his lungs that he's "all done" with bed.  Because Mama is T.I.R.E.D. after the last several mornings of him getting up at 5AM - also declaring that he's "all done" with bed.

I swear, I'll do better in June.  If someone reminds me.  Repeatedly.

Why I Had a Crappy Workout

I've been waiting a week or so to write this to see if the picture of this car still gets me angry.  It does.

Do you know the woman who drives this car?  She ruined my workout the other night.  Notice that she is in the left lane.  She was driving 50 miles per hour.  Infuriating.  Also notice that there is plenty of room for her to pull over so I can go by her.

So I try to go around her on the right.  And she jerks into the lane so I can't go around.  Repeatedly.  While I scream expletives loudly while being thankful the kids weren't in the car.

Finally, she pulls over to get off her exit.  And I secretly wish that I could drive my van right over her stupid Camry.  And instead I just jerk the van at her while I zoom by.

I was so annoyed when I got to spin class that I couldn't concentrate & ended up buying ice cream on the way home...

Sometimes Being a Grown-Up Sucks

Today we had to put down our dog, Jack.  He was our 2nd pet.  We got him about a year after we felt "grown up" enough to handle a cat.  I can pretty confidently say that Jack was one of the best dogs ever.  You could do anything with him or to him.  Until Molly was born, Jack was our baby.  And once Molly & Emmett were born, he was the best big brother to them both.

In January, Jack started having seizures.  Our vet put him on meds and they seemed to be helping until the other night.  Since Wednesday, he'd been having seizures every few hours.  Afterward, he would be completely woozy & out of it and the more he had, the harder it was for him to come out of them.  By this morning, he wasn't even waking up between them.  It was so hard to watch.  When we went to the vet this morning, they offered to add a new medicine, but our vet could really only say that he might have a few more good months and couldn't guarantee that there wouldn't be anymore sets of days like this.  Actually, he could guarantee that there would be days like this.  Jack definitely hadn't been himself since the first round of seizures.  Sitting there at the vet with him on the floor, mostly asleep (when he used to love going to the vet), it hit me that he was pretty much gone and that it was me being selfish to keep trying new meds.

We had the kids come to the vet's office to say goodbye.  They were both so gentle with Jack.  It was really amazing to watch.  Emmett just patted him on the head.  Molly gave him the most wonderful hugs and kept saying how much she loved him & how much she would miss him.

Tonight when I put Emmett to bed, we say goodnight to all of our family members.  Before I could stop myself, I said, "Good night, Jack Dog."  And Emmett said, "Night, Jack" in his adorable 1-year-old voice. God that sucked.  It was so cute and so sweet.

Trying to explain to our 3-year-old why she wasn't going to see her best friend again was heartbreaking.  I don't think she full understands this whole thing but she kind of does - I'm not sure which is worse.  She asked who was going to feed Jack if he wasn't going to live with us anymore.  We tried to explain that he was going to fall asleep and he wasn't going to wake up.  And I think that hit home for her.  She hasn't really cried but every now & then she just buries her head in her hands and cuddles up with us.  I really don't know what to do other than hug her - especially when I'm barely holding it together myself.

I don't want to throw away his dog dishes or his bed.  I don't know what to do with his food.  I keep looking for him, expecting him to be laying on his bed or looking for something to eat & then realizing that I'm never going to see that again.

Ugh - being a grown-up sucks sometimes.

It's Been Awhile

The weekend before last, my lovely husband took both children grocery shopping.  Mommies - you know what that means: some much needed free time.

Want to know what I did?  I pooped.  I pooped without hearing any screaming of "Mommy, Emmett hit me!" or "Mommy, Jack ate my Cheerios!"  (Jack is our Golden Retriever.)  or a small person bursting through the door to sit on the stairs of our bathroom while I try to maintain some small sense of dignity.

Too much information?  Probably.  But if you're a parent, you know how wonderful it is to be home alone in your own house.  And I don't want any comments from those of you with pets.  You have no idea what it's like to try to use the bathroom while you're alone with small children.  And if you have no pets and no children, it's times like second paragraph that I hate you and your ability to poop in private and sleep past 7 AM whenever you want.

I Will Go To Hell For My Angry Driving

Okay, I love to drive.  I even love to drive in my big old Soccer Mom van.  There is however a long list of people who piss me off day in & day out on my commute to work.  I would like to share that list with you.

1) People From Vermont.  As a general rule, people from Vermont are the worst drivers.  They fall into every category that I'm about to list below.  I don't know who's worse, people from Vermont or people from Ohio.

2) Most People In the Left Lane.  Driving the speed limit in the left lane should be against the law.  Some of us have places to go, people to see and the middle or right lanes are perfect for those of you who want to go the speed limit.

3) Upper Middle Class Housewives In Luxury SUVs.  I go to work at noon.  These ladies are always in their (insert BMW, Mercedes, Lexus, etc.) SUVs, talking on their phones (that's illegal by the way), not paying any attention to anyone else on the road.  I will point out that generally the worst offenders are driving Cadillac Escalades.

4) People Who Don't Use A Turn Signal.  Start.  It helps everyone.

5) People Who Slow To An Almost Standstill To Take A Right Turn.  It's unnecessary.  Your car will not flip over if you take a right turn going faster than 3 miles an hour.

6) Practically Everyone Driving In The Rain.  We don't need to slow down so much.  Just saying.

I realize that one day my super long fingers will give me excruciating arthritis.  But for now, I'll just be thankful that they allow me to give awesome middle fingers and eat me signs to the people that piss me off on the road.

The Tree Is Decorated

There is a reason why my Mom didn't let us help decorate the tree until we were oh, say, teenagers.

If you don't know me well, let me start by saying that I lean more towards the obsessive/compulsive side of things.  If you do know me well, I assume you have a mental image of this evening.

I can usually watch my children make giant messes and put their toys away in the totally wrong place (as long as it's off the floor, I'm generally happy).

Decorating the tree, however, is something that I have lovely mental images of: slowly taking ornaments out of their boxes, picking the perfect place to put them - you get the idea.  That is not what happened tonight.  It started off well enough: Molly was putting non-breakable ornaments on the bottom branches and Emmett was busy pushing one of Molly's dolls around in its stroller.  Which was great.  Until Molly got her stool to put ornaments up higher.  Then Emmett just wanted to push Molly off the stool so he could get on.  Molly started yelling because Emmett was pushing her.  Then Emmett noticed the ornaments and pulled some of them off the tree.  Molly started yelling because Emmett was knocking things off the tree.  Then Molly wanted to start pulling ornaments out of the box herself, which meant that my lovely organized tree turned quickly into 90% of the ornaments on the bottom 1% of the tree.  And I tried to keep my head from exploding.  At one point, I just left the scene and put E in pajamas to keep from losing it while Molly kept pulling things out being like, "Oh look at this one!" then putting it down & grabbing another one, "Can we do this one next?"

I know... I know... I need to relax and enjoy the moment, that I'll be sad when they're older & they don't care about decorating the tree.  So I'll try.  And if not, next time I'll just go put my pajamas on.

Was It Worth It?

Seeing everyone's posts this weekend about the great deal they got at this store or that, I had to ask myself - was it worth it?

Was it worth spending your Thanksgiving plotting which store you would hit first to try to get that one thing you "had" to have?  Did you miss a moment with your family that you'll never get back while pouring over the ads?

Was your desire for a $200 TV worth the big-box employee having to leave their Thanksgiving dinner to get to work in time to have their store open at midnight?  Or the employee who worked a split shift on Thanksgiving to get stock out and set up the promotions so that they didn't get a chance to spend the day with their family?  Was it worth the Target employee who crashed her car because she was so exhausted after her Black Friday shift?

We talk about the greed of the 1%, of the big businesses in America... maybe that greed is not so far away after all.  When people are pepper-spraying other customers, maybe it's time for all of us to take a good look in the mirror.

My Kids Crack Me Up

This morning, Molly has been particularly funny.  The last thing she's been doing was having her birds, Jewel and Blue (from Rio) hitting each other and then making them apologize and have a time out.  While doing this, she's saying things like, "Blue it is not nice to hit your friends.  Say you're sorry to Jewel and then go sit over here in time out."  Then putting them on the trampoline while she jumps - which I suppose is a pretty good punishment if toys are really like they are in Toy Story.

Right now she's practicing tracing letters on her Leapfrog thing.  And doing an incredible job.  It's crazy how one day they just decide things are interesting.

Emmett's vocabulary is exploding lately - I love this stage.  It's adorable when he says, "Bye!" and gives people big hugs and "Whee!" when he does anything fun.  But I think my favorite thing is when he goes & sits on Molly's potty and says, "Poop."  And sometimes he actually does - thankfully he hasn't figured out how to take off his diaper yet.

I Bet My Monday Is Worse Than Your Monday

I bet my Monday is worse than your Monday.  Here's why:

1) The toilet was clogged this morning.  Thankfully, the hubby took care of that one.

2) Hubby's car won't start.  Luckily the kids & I were dressed, so we drove him to work.

3) While taking the hubby to work, the dog ate all of my daughter's Halloween candy.  Chocolate, gummy bears, Nerds - everything.  Wrappers and all.  At least now my living room & dining room are freshly vacuumed.

4) After cleaning all the dog mess, I finally got a chance to use the bathroom.  (Did I mention I needed to do a #2 before leaving to take the hubby to work?)  While in the bathroom, my daughter used her potty that's downstairs.  Her little brother decided to pick up the full potty and dump it all over the kitchen floor.  So I got to mop that up.  I'm just thankful he didn't decide to bring it in the living room.  I'm pretty sure he was trying to be helpful and dump it in the kitchen sink.

5) I start my new job today.

And now that I'm sitting still, I'm pretty sure I stepped in pee and not just mopped floor because my socks smell like pee.  

I'm going to go shoot myself in the face now (and then change my socks and wash my feet).

My Period Wants Cheese

I have my period.  I want cheese.  If you're still interested, please read on.

The last 3 days, I have wanted cheese.  I went to the grocery store to deposit a check and bought myself spinach/ricotta ravioli.  I had them for lunch the other day.  Yesterday I made myself spinach dip because I really wanted more of the ravioli.  Today I made myself a quesadilla & forced myself to put chicken in it because I probably would've put an entire package of cheese in it otherwise.  Dairy will do in a pinch (like the Hershey bar I engulfed), but if I could figure out how to just fry cheese in a pan without it sticking, I probably would.  Repeatedly.

Since I had Emmett, my periods have been insane.  It's like being in high school again.  Migraines, extreme cramps, acne - you name the symptom, I've got it.  Is this common?  I can't wait until my OB/GYN appointment next month so I can get this under control.

On a side note, Emmett can fall asleep for his nap any time now.

What To Write

I've been having some issues deciding what to write lately.  Everything seems short enough to be a Facebook status update.  

That and the fact that I started watching a couple of little boys every day.  If I thought I was tired with Molly & Emmett...  So we're settling into that routine.  

And Molly started school.  The first week was really rough.  She would scream bloody murder and her teacher had to call me to pick her up because she was upsetting the other kids.  Want to know what will make you feel like a crappy Mom?  That.  She's always been so independent and outgoing.  I was wondering where my bold, wonderful little girl went...  Yesterday we had Dad drop her off and she finally stayed the whole day.  Thank goodness!  I know she'll love school once she gets used to not being home with me and makes a couple friends.

I F**king Hate Spiders

There is a HUGE spider in my house.  It was last seen running under my dryer at approximately 10:00PM last night.  Now every time I walk into my kitchen, I am going to be paranoid until a) I find it and kill it or b) I forget about it (at which point I'm sure it will make it's return).  Getting Molly her milk & juice this morning was torture.

I spend most of spring on a house-wide spider killing bonanza.  I'm not excited for a round two this fall.  But those are (while creepy) run of the mill spiders.  This thing is big and fast.  Mike tried to kill it several times for me last night before it made it's eventual escape.

Ugh.  I f**king hate spiders.